


Lint Trap

by pHyper



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Pack Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 20:45:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1401880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pHyper/pseuds/pHyper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After high school, the pack decided to move in together while the betas went to college.  And when problems arose about the messy state of the house…well, the pack had to come to an arrangement about household chores:  all members, human and wolf alike, have to do chores.  Unfortunately, for Stiles, he was the only one to be any good at laundry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lint Trap

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first foray, so go easy.

After high school, the pack decided to move in together while the betas went to college.And when problems arose about the messy state of the house…well, the pack had to come to an arrangement about household chores: all members, human and wolf alike, have to do chores. The problem was, no one could agree on whether to rotate all the chores or have them semi-permanently assigned. One issue with rotating is that Erica is terrible at laundry, and Jackson is terrible at cooking; however, not rotating chores leaves one person always doing the same chore and eventually becoming frustrated with the constant tedium. So they try to rotate chores while making sure people get chores they can actually accomplish. Unfortunately,for Stiles, he was the only one to be any good at laundry.

__________

_7 September, 2014_

“What the hell is this? Seriously, how do they manage to do this?”

Stiles wondered how any werewolf could _possibly_ manage to leave melted candy in their pocket. One would think enhanced senses would keep one aware of heavenly aromas emanating from storage areas of clothing. But no, there were melted Reese’s cups in Isaac’s pants. The highest offense in the land.

“Sacrilege, Isaac. You have lost absolutely all my respect. Do you know how hard it is to get chocolate out of pockets?! It gets in the seam and makes everything gunky!”

“Oh hey, is that a Reese’s?! I’ll eat it if you don’t want it.”

“Scott, you’re a sick, sick man.”

__________

_15 October, 2014_

“You do not put wools in the regular cotton pile! Leather is not washable, Erica! Do you people even pay attention to the care labels?” Stiles ranted to himself.

“This is silk! I am not hand washing all of these things, Lydia! I am not your slave! So much hate for every single one of you assholes.”

“How have any of them managed to wear the same clothes multiple times when I’m not doing the laundry?!?! There is no way any of these idiots are capable of doing laundry to any level of satisfaction. Do they just buy multiples of the same thing?”

“Is that why Derek hasn’t rebuilt the house? He’s broke because he has to keep buying clothes for all the betas? That sounds plausible. Very plausible. In fact, it’s the only way you reprobates could have clean clothes to wear every day! There is _no way_ anyone in this house can do laundry.”

__________

_28 November, 2014_

“Oh, come on! Pens? Gum! You people are disgusting. I hate all of you!”

“Stiles, what are you yelling about?”

“The laundry, Derek. The laundry! Your betas are incapable of even preparing their dirty laundry for washing. They don’t clean out their pockets! I’m keeping all money I find as a donation to the Stiles’ Curly Fries fund. There will be no refunds and no sharing!”

“How do you wolves even manage to leave things in pockets?! I’m going to confiscate all the pens and make every last one of you use pencils! And no more gum! This shit is unacceptable! You are adults and should clean out your pockets! Do you know how hard it is to get ink stains out? And how you can’t if it’s fucking permanent ink?!”

“Isaac, you are an adorable puppy, but if I find shit in your pockets one more time you’re going to find out if that nifty werewolf healing will regrow your testicles after I remove them. I swear to George.”

__________

_20 December, 2014_

“Erica! What the hell is this? That is so disgusting. It isn’t that hard to clean yourself up after sex! I protest having to clean bodily fluids off of clothing. Bed linens are one thing, but clothing is a completely different level! It’s expected on the sheets. Not the clothes! There isn’t enough money in the world for this to ever be okay.”

“We have frigging safety kits for this kind of personal clean up! Whether it’s sex or injuries. Oh god, how did you get this much jizz on your clothes?! Did you just have multiple rounds without bothering to clean up? How could you stand that?! This is truly horrifying. Ugh, I’m going to throw up. Seriously, learn how to use wet wipes.”

“I don’t want to know what goes on in your sex life! Stiles is not living vicariously through anyone when it comes to the sex. This is not something I want or need. That’s it. I’m not doing any more laundry until I’m at least tipsy. There is no other way to handle the serious levels of ‘not okay’ going on right now.”

__________

_6 January, 2015_

“Stiles,what the hell is that smell?”

“Ammonia.”

“God! It stinks! Get rid of it.”

“No can do, Jackson old buddy. A solid third of the laundry has blood stains, and ammonia is the only thing that gets the stains out. So take your little werewolf ass somewhere else and deal with it.”

“It’s burning my nostrils, asshat!”

“Hey, hey! Get your hands off my ammonia soak! If you don’t want to deal with the smell then you shouldn’t get so much blood on your clothing. Or the towels. Bleach and cold water only go so far. Sweet George in the sea, I’m glad I don’t have to clean up the upholstery, too.”

__________

_16 February, 2015_

“I swear to god! What the hell is this? Do you people ever clean out the lint trap? This is disgusting. So gross! I hate all of you!! How do you even get this much hair in here?! Do you just roll around on your clothes while you’re wolfed out? This is ridiculous. Only one of you can even go full fur! How is there this much fur!?!”

“You barely had any clothes on that night! I cannot fathom how you fail wolves got this much fur on the clothes. This shouldn’t be possible. Did you shed in a big pile and then cart it back with you to put on the clothes pile to form a nest? Is this a nesting ritual gone wrong? That’s what I’m going with. Nesting ritual gone wrong sounds a whole lot better than you people failing that much at being werewolves.

“Oh sweet merciful George there isn’t enough money in the world for this to ever be okay. How is this my life? That looks like a cat’s hair ball. And now I’m gagging.”

__________

_26 March, 2015_

“Who the hell forgot to get the mountain ash out of their pockets?! I know I sure as hell didn’t do it. And none of the wolves would even have mountain ash. That’s just nasty. Gross. It’s everywhere! All the seams and crevices in the clothing. Oh, god, the pocket lint has probably amassed a small nuclear arsenal of the shit. And behind all the weirdo bits in the washer. Noooo!”

“Ah, shit! Can washing machines be cleaned? Are we going to have to get a new washer?! How the hell is this going to affect the wolfies? Would it give them a rash? Isaac has such delicate skin! And no one needs that rubbing in personal areas. Oh god, the ladies chest jails! This is so bad! Derek is going to blame me for all of this. And I didn’t do it! This sucks. Stupid Sourwolf.”

“No! I am not being held responsible for damaged fail wolves! I’m ratting out that it was one of you human assholes! There is no way in hell I am going down for this! Stiles is not that much of a spaz to leave loose fucking mountain ash in a pocket! Sourwolf is not blaming me for this shit!”

__________

_5 April, 2015_

“Grass stains. Of course. What else would it be. Wrestling around on the ground & playing Big Bad wouldn’t ever lead to grass stains. Never. It’s not like any of them have the mental capacity of a 5 year old. Not a one. They are all responsible adult wolfies. None of them would ever wear white shirts to accumulate copious amounts of chlorophyll. Not in a million years.”

“ _How could you ever think that, Stiles. We would never be that irresponsible. Grass stains are for babies. We would never give you that kind of work, Stiles. We love you and respect the amount of work you put into doing laundry so that it is properly cleaned of all outside smells and only smells like pack. Cleaning grass stains is so much extra work for our Stiles and we would never do that. Ever. We promise.”_

“You little shits.”

__________

_15 May, 2015_

“I don’t know what I was expecting. Logically, I should have anticipated this. Derek, Isaac, and Boyd do work on the vehicles. Work that logically would imply the involvement and use of grease and other types of lubricants. And weirdo gunk build-up. And using the generously provided shop rags is immoral and unwolfy. Completely offensive to delicate wolfy car maintenance sensibilities.”

“Not that it could ever matter that a dirty shop towel is easier to deal with than making me clean the horrifying mystery built up on the favorite jeans and shirts of three very pouty werewolves. That isn’t an imposition at all. Who would ever think that?!”

“I hate every fail wolf in this house. Sweet George on the Nile with crocodiles, this is going to take more than one bottle of stain remover. Definitely a two bottle kind of day. Note to self: Add more stain remover to the grocery list.”

“Maybe I should suggest investing in Oxi-Clean to Derek. We go through a lot of stain remover with a pack of werewolves. And that’s not going to come out. I hope Isaac wasn’t attached to that shirt.”

__________

_4 June, 2015_

“I’m pretty sure I’ve told all of them, multiple times even, about immediately rinsing tomato sauce stains. And soy sauce stains. Or any kind of greasy food stains. Did those two get distracted making goo goo eyes at each other over dinner? Did Scott pull a fail wolf again? Was Allison acting as some kind of buffet for Scott? Is that what happened? Oh. Ew. Gross. I did not need that mental image. Brain bleach needs to be a real thing. I’m not asking anymore questions. Just going to pretend like nothing happened. That’s a good plan, a great plan. Best plan in the world.”

__________

_1 August, 2015_

“And we have reached a new low. Animal viscera. And waste. How the hell do normal packs deal with this? I might just throw these away. Or burn them. Yeah, burning sounds much better. Because they were torn to shreds and no longer fit for wearing. They’ll never miss them. Won’t question a thing. Derek doesn’t need 10 of the exact same shirt. And I’m sure Isaac won’t notice a scarf gone missing. Not at all. Now, where did I put the matches?”


End file.
